Sunday was pretty emotional for me. My small self (the nineteen-year-old ADAPT newbie who came to her first national action in this city im 1996) was almost a separate presence from my 33-year-old vetran ADAPTer self. The smaller me kept asking the older me. “Why is it taking so long?” “Why haven’t you triumphed yet?” “And most importantly, “When did waiting for freedom become an acceptable tool in this war for justice?”
My older self told the young Martina. “Come down, hothead. Lasting change takes time. We couldn’t let everyone out today, even if we were allowed to. They’d have nowhere to live. You can’t have PCA services in a cardboard box.”
My smaller self was okay with the logic of this auguement. It made sense, was very mature and reasoned. Perhaps it was okay to settle a little bit, sometimes, as long you kept your eyes on the prize.
My adult self and my small self had agreed to a truce. They were on the same page as far as the overall issue, after all. They just had different ways to get there.
The truce held for about 90 minutes. Until I learned about a 57 year old women who had lived in an insitution for 43 years. Had never celebrated a single adult birthday outside institutional walls, until today when she joined us at the rally. We sang for her. She beamed.
The second blow to my internal peace accord was Brodie, a perfectly nice somewhat oldish new ADAPTer. I wondered why he pushed a manual chair very slowly instead ofgoing for a nice, self powered electric one like I drive.
Later, I discovered that he lived in an institution. A place where he needed to ask permission to go outside. A place, that I assume, can’t be bothered to go through the paperwork to buy him a state funded power chair. Independently mobile PWD’s, that’s just asking for trouble or so the institution thinks. A place where we had to send him back to tonight after his first ever night in a hotel and first beer in God knows how long. Not that I’m big drinker, but you get my point.
The final blow to my emotional cease fire occured when we marched by a nursing home lined in barbwire, three strands one on top the other. The sound of Anita, my compatriot in disobeying laws that interfere with the pursuit of justice, singing “We shall all be free someday” caused my younger self to reassert her natural dominance in matters like these.
To wait an extra year, month, week, day, hour, minute second to fix an injustice because the powers that be are not ready to the ramifications of that fix makes me a part of the problem. Not a part of the solution, whatever I try to tell myself.
I’m ready now. Ready to combat this institutional evil with every fiber of my being, whatever the consequences. I tell my boss . “fire me for being here.” It is irrelevant. I tell my mom, “never give me another dime.” I will survive and barrow, beg, steal I will still be here (wherever here happens to be) every six months, doing what is right merely because it is right, not because it adds money to my wallet (as it does now). Tell the law, bring your handcuffs, bring your billy clubs, bring your water hoses and your dogs as you did in the sixties to Georgia… too near the land under both tire and foot for comfort right now. Bring your jail cells. Bring even your most accurate marksman. I don’t want to end up a martyr, but if that’s what’s to be, that’s what to be. I am ready. Bring it on!
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